I'm stupid!

So my life has been going pretty...ok recently. I am in my third year in college and just transferred from MATC to the University of Wisconsin Madison. I now, after a long time searching, have found a great job that doesn't make me hate my life and the people I work with are great too. Though school is still streasful enough to make me have panic attacks at least one a month I am fairly comfortable with my life.

Why am I stupid you ask? Because I am putting everything I have into a study abroad opportunity to maybe, if I get accepted, going to Italy. There I would be visiting places like Pompeii and Herculaneum and eating real italian pizza and gelato.

Sounds Great? But if you knew me you would know why this is stupid.

I am a person that puts everything I have into a dream of mine and go for it. When I don't get that dream I am completely crushed and it takes me forever to recover. I dream of traveling and going to a place that not only is foreign to me but also a place that has a lot of ties in Mythology. There is a very real chance that I can be not accepted into going on this trip. There is also a very real chance that I will be accepted and then after everything is ready to go the terror of what I am about to do, leave Wisconsin for 3 weeks by myself, will hit and...I don't know what would happen then.

I'm also pretty anti-social. Of course, I struggle with this part of myself on a daily basis and continuously try to get over my insecurities but I've never quite gotten over it. During these three weeks, if I go of course, I'll be surrounded by people I don't know and expected to make friends with them.

So I'm stupid because when I finally get comfortable in my life, or as comfortable as I could get, I go and screw it up! I do something that quite possibly could mean counselling if it goes bad....or if it goes good for that matter.